Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
