you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
