Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
