Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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