My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
