he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
