I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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