Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
