the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
