I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
