Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drunk is not a location!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
