Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
