oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
