zippers are such a cool invention
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
