I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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