I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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