1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
