Yo dont text me then not text me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
