We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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