Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
