She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
