He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
