Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
