Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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