i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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