I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
