does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
