i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
