I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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