As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
