We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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