I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
God, I missed his penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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