so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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