He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
