You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
