The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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