he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
