he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
