I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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