OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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