Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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