i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
