I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
