And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
