Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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