My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet he comes in French.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
