Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
