Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT