Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest