Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??