hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"