I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.