So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
