I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
