What a fucking waste of an outfit
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
