How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
