he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
