Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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