pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
