So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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