so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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