I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
