Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
