My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
