my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
