Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
