I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
