My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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