I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
