i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
