I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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