I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
