Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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