I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
