I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize