Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
