I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
