Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.