remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.