I want to stick my p in your. b.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
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Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!