im about as happy as oj after his trial
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18