Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
