From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
